Sun's Work Undone

Driving down I 78 from Harrisburg to Reading, listening to the Hackensaw Boys "Sun's Work Undone" after 2 days of non-stop travel my heart is full of North Dakota again. There we were, uncle, brother, various cousins and nieces gathered from Seattle, Montana, Colorado, New York, Baltimore and all corners of North Dakota, hearts wide open. The world shrinks when a grief is observed. Though now half a continent away, I am once again in that warmth of being surrounded by family, my sister, my dad, my various cousins, making music, cooking, re-connecting after a long time apart. And somehow we held my Uncle's death in a way that affirmed life.

At the cometary we wondered aloud if the coffin would be lowered into the ground while we were at the graveside, or if they were waiting until we left. I commented that in some traditions lowering the coffin is part of the ritual. A cousin said "We don't do that here,it's hard enough as it is, we don't need to make it harder." We walked across the well-trimmed grass to visit the graves of family lost in earlier years, clustered together around the matriarchs and patriarchs. Afterward there were sloppy Joes, pasta salad, apple bake and scalloped potatoes that are comfort food in it's essence.

And as I'm driving through central Pennsylvania, I miss that comfort and closeness and warmth. I talk to my dad later in the day. The hard things persisted for him long after my sister and I were safely on our pre-dawn flight home. Uncle's possessions, his home, his legal affairs. Things left unfinished and unresolved that must still be resolved one way or another. It is heavy, though not so heavy as before. There is a stark grittiness to it that persists. Loss is real. Impermanence is real. This is why we gather. This is why we come together in a profusion of family, why we cook and make music, so that the stark reality of loss and the grit of living are only one layer of experience. They are co-arising as the Buddhists would say. I listen to the song twice. My heart is full.